


Bumper Cars

by kaleydioscope



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 2x06, Angst, F/F, i guess this is it it's just angst sorry, supergirl 2x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8567707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleydioscope/pseuds/kaleydioscope
Summary: What happens after Alex turns around and ends up crying in her sister's arms? What went through Maggie's head? Who holds her if she's also broken after she said those things when Alex kissed her?This was inspired by this post: http://binocularz.tumblr.com/post/153204539719/racethewind10-the-way-alexs-face-fallsshe





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will have two chapters, I guess, so stay tuned, I guess... Hope you like it and sorry for any mistake, I'm writing this for 7 hours straight, lol.  
> And, the title of the work is Bumper Cars because I'm shitty with titles and because I've been listening to Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra for about ten hours now, so

_I’m here for you... but as a friend._

The words echoes in her head like wildfire spreading in a forest covered in gasoline, burning bright and stinging. Her head is spinning from all the drinks she had. 

_Friend._

She never had to deal with this when it came to boys; Alex starts to make the correlations. It never hurt with boys, if anything the only time she didn’t break up first she actually felt relieved, like he was taking a weight out of her shoulders. But this was different… Indeed, very different. They weren’t dating, they were friends, and perhaps that’s why it physically pains her so much. Or perhaps it was because deep, deep down she really wished Maggie liked her too. Well, she thought Maggie did. How could she be so dumb to not even consider Maggie was just sticking around because she enjoyed Alex’s company as a friend? Saying this word just feels like someone’s twisting the knife in her stomach. 

_She didn’t want to be Maggie’s friend!_

She was so stupid, though, running around like everything was suddenly falling into place and the world would just settle to fit this new part of her life. Different from that, now, everything’s ruined. She’s ruined; she’ll never look at Maggie in the face again… And how will she do that when just thinking about not seeing that smile, and everything that constitutes the girl she grew to like and enjoy being around so much the last few days makes everything inside twitch in pain?

When she finally manages to stop crying and staring at a fixed point is settled as a coping mechanism for a few minutes, Kara knocks on her door.

 _Go away_ , she manages to say in her toughest voice. Of course her sister notices something’s wrong and doesn’t obey. Having Kara inside her apartment only forces her to visit the shameful scene she tried so hard to push away from her mind in the last few hours.

There’s a lot of hugs and crying and even though Kara tries her best, it’s just not time for a single smile. Kara and Alex talk on her couch for a few short minutes because the rest it’s just a mess of Alex sobbing. In the end, there’s just Alex lying on her couch, her body sprawled on the L-shaped sofa and her head on Kara’s lap. Her sister’s hands travel through her short locks and she tries her best to give in to sleep. Maybe she’ll get something better in her sleep. Maybe she’ll find Maggie in her dreams, and maybe they’ll be in another lifetime. One that Maggie hadn’t just had her heart broken, one that Alex hadn’t taken so long to figure herself out, and one where the way is just clear for them.

 

* * *

 

Coming back home was so hard.

Squeezing every word out felt she was vomiting knives, but she didn’t notice what she had done until she was basically begging Alex to stay.

She didn’t drink that night, she was somehow still expecting Alex to come around and tell her she told Kara, or just… come around. To play pool, to drink, talk, whatever she and Alex did to pass the time. Doing this sober hurt like a bitch.

With everything that happened with her lately, Alex was the only thing willing to paint a smile on her face. Somehow there was a cozy warmth and comforting stability about Alex. It still made her sad to think she was counting the minutes until Alex too disappeared, just like everybody else.

Helping Alex was fun and almost like a therapy to Maggie. She liked helping others, that’s what helped her. But she couldn’t help but expect Alex to go on for all the big things that were still to come for her and just move on from… Well, from this, from their… everything.

Maggie was just the memory Alex would tell someone someday when they asked about her coming out story, and that’s all, right? She almost felt selfish whenever she thought about how deep down she wished she was there to hear and participate of such moments with Alex. And now, she had just crashed every single hope she had to do this for being so guarded and careful with her feelings.

She couldn’t help but hate every single thing she had to go through before she met Alex. She couldn’t help but think that they shaped her into this and they were the ones speaking when she said those words to Alex. It wasn’t Maggie. Maggie didn’t want to say that.

What _did_ she want to say?

 

* * *

  
She doesn’t dream about Maggie. It’s just blank or black, whatever it is whenever you sleep and wake up and the in between just doesn’t exist. Her head aches though, and also her body for sleeping on her couch. She reaches for her phone in her desk and checks the time. There’s four missed calls from Sawyer. Her heart clenches and her stomach flips.

_Maggie. Lips. We’re at really different places._

“Hey, you’re awake,” Kara says as she steps from behind her kitchen counter. “I’m making something for breakfast,” her sister says with a kind smile.

She’s glad Kara’s not asking if she’s okay or bringing The Subject on surface. She’d hate to talk about it all over again.

“You should go home, Kara. You’ll have to go to work in a couple of hours,” Alex replies.

“Don’t worry about me,” Kara answers.

“And you don’t worry about me.”

“Okay,” Kara nods. “So let’s just not worry about each other together.”

Kara knew better than forcing Alex to feel the pain, she knew she’d come around with everything she was feeling, or at least she hoped she did. She’d be here for her sister whenever she needed and for whatever results this brought.

 

* * *

 

As soon as she opens her apartment’s door, her first instinct is to grab a half-empty bottle of whisky and a clean glass.

She kicks her boots off and unbuttons her denim shirt. Maggie settles the two items on the coffee table and sits on her couch.

What _did_ you want to say?

Maggie sighs deeply and rubs her eyes then adds another object on the small table. They’re in line, her phone, the whisky bottle and the empty glass. The three objects now stare right back at her, challenging her.

What _would_ you have said?

Alex grabs the bottle and pours the yellowish drink inside the empty glass, then downs it with only one gulp. It burns all the way down.

What _could_ you have said?

Her phone mocks her. She pours another glass and her hand clenches tightly around the glass before she brings it to her lips.

What _should_ you have said?

Her hands are sweaty and she almost thinks she’ll reach for the phone.

What _can_ you still say?

Another gulp. Then another. Then her numb fingertips brush over Alex’s contact number. Then the other line is alive, but it only rings, and rings, and rings…

 _“Please, pick up. Pick up. Pick up,”_ Maggie squeezes her eyes shut.

Voice mail.

She tries again, and again. The fourth time she tries, she’s barely able to see the name that flashes on her device. She’s laying on her pitch black, leathered couch and the whisky bottle is now empty. The liquid is now a part of her blood system and it runs in her veins and although it numbs her body and blurs her vision, it doesn’t numb the feelings at all. She can still feel everything. She can still feel Alex… everywhere, from the top of her head and down her jawline and lips. She can still feel Alex’s lips brushing against hers like it is happening just right now. The feeling travels down her spine and settles between her legs. How many times did she have to block those feelings because she was just afraid Alex would never say yes?

When the fourth call sends her to Alex’s voice mail again, she just throws the black device away and the first heartbreaking sob escapes her mouth. She shrinks in a fetal position and settles for crying herself to exhaustion and inevitable sleep.

 

* * *

  
It’s been 36 hours. 36 hours without hearing from Maggie, without seeing Maggie, without Maggie.

Usually nothing ever makes Alex groan when it comes about getting out of bed, she could even be considered a morning person. She wakes up every single day as soon as her alarm sets off and goes on with her morning routine, but not those days. Lately it is not _usually_ and definitely not _every day_.

Lately, when her alarm sets off, she groans, not because she has to wake up, but to the fact that the last two days sums up to her going to work and coming back to her bed and not sleeping at all. This was her life before Maggie. (Plus sleeping). That’s what she was used to before Maggie.

She missed the after work meetings to drink and play pool. She misses Maggie’s voice and Maggie’s laughter. The smile, dimples, and head tilts, they are so annoyingly adorable. Her skin, lips, and eyes searching for her and looking at her ever so understanding and full of tender. Her entire body hurts and her eyes sting and her organs are all against her. Why did she have to ruin that one good thing?

She takes her phone in her hands and checks the time. One voice mail from Sawyer. _She misses her voice!_ She wants to press the button to hear whatever it was Maggie said to her. _She missed her goddamn voice!_ She knew that the second she pressed the green button she’d only hear something sweet and understanding and she almost hates how perfect Maggie is and how everything she says is so unbearably right and coherent.

Alex wants to throw up but ends up throwing her phone away from her.

 

* * *

 

Maggie’s used to dealing with hangovers and heartbreaks, she’s accustomed to the feeling. But this isn’t it. When Maggie wakes up the next morning her head and heart are battling to see who hurts the most.

Her phone blares with the sound of her alarm a few seconds later, bringing her down to reality even more. Her first instinct is to get up from the couch and check it in search of any message, text, call, anything, _anything_ … nothing. No calls, no texts from who actually matters.

Maggie sighs and gets up. She strips herself bare as she walks to her bathroom, hoping a shower could take this sinking feeling away, wash it down the drain and drown it.

She cries in the shower and she tries to stop thinking about so many things. She can’t push away the feeling she’s lost Alex in the process of trying to keep her around.

She can’t believe she’s alone yet again.

She tries to take comfort in putting her clothes on and thinking work will be able to block everything from her mind like it always does. Work is like a friend she doesn’t have to drown her sorrows and talk about things and stuff. But if anything, it’s her personal life who’s now blocking work.

When she fails handcuffing an alien for the third time and a partner says he can cover it for her, she just nods and it’s the end of her shift.

Before she notices, she’s pulling up in front of where they usually meet to drink and Alex to destroy her in pool. When did this place stopped being so hers and became _theirs_? She can’t help but hope Alex’s in there, drinking or whatever, she just wants to see her, talk to her, check to see if she’s okay. She can’t help but notice some people looking at her with a frown, as if they too notice there’s someone missing by her side, that there’s a part of her missing. Perhaps she’s just starting to get paranoid.

She orders a drink and sits at the end of the bar; somewhere she knows there’s an invisible signpost written “I don’t want to talk”. Her drink arrives and she stares at it for a moment until her eyes start to sting and tears bubble behind her eyelids.

She dials Alex’s number. Voice mail.

_It’s Danvers, I’m probably working. Leave a message._

“Hey,” Maggie starts after the beep even before she can think of what to say. She clenches her fist upon the table. “Hey.” She repeats.

“I don’t know how to start this,” she chuckles. A tear escapes but she wipes it quickly.

“I guess I… I’m just worried about you, okay? I’m-I’m very, very worried about you and…” Her heart feels like it is in her throat.

_And what?_

“And I miss you, okay? I miss you. I miss you voice, I miss your smile, I miss your presence and it feels so, so hard not having you here, not hearing about you and about your day or something Kara did, I-… I’d be very up to lose a hundred bucks on pool to you right now, I- this is not what I wanted to say.”

Maggie inhales.

“What I wanted to say is, I’m sorry I blurted on you like that, but you just… You caught me off guard okay? I’m not used to this… I mean, I’m not used to easy, because that’s just not how things works for me. The thing is I think I made a mistake, Alex. I don’t think this was supposed to consume me this much. I don’t think I should be this sad and I don’t think I knew how much you meant to me until you were gone but I just- I just can’t stop thinking about how this already happened to me before. I was the first girl she kissed and the next thing I know I was just a memory in her past and that’s not… I don’t want you to be a memory, Alex.”

She sucks into her breathe.

“I want-“

Her phone let her know her time’s up and her hand clenches around the device on her ear. A small sob escapes her mouth, but she chokes it with her drink.

 

* * *

 

48 hours.

Only two days and the next thing Alex knows, she’s investigating a crime scene. And she was there. Maggie is there. Her face drops and her stomach flips. She knew she’d have to do this soon, but not this soon. She wasn’t prepared, but she had to be.

As soon as Alex steps out of one of the DEO’s car, she tries not to feel like she’s walking on quicksand. And part of her wishes she was, sucked into the ground, or just her head, it doesn’t really matter. Her heart clenches and legs feel jelly as she steps further the crime scene and from her distance she hears Maggie’s voice talking to a guy from her NCPD team.

The first words that leave Alex’s mouth are so firm she surprises herself, she didn’t expect that, but she was glad it happened. “Fill me in,” she said to one of DEO’s forensic guy who was already there.

Her eyes travels over the guy’s shoulder and lands on Maggie’s figure.

 _What’s this Maggie girl like?_ Kara’s voice echoes inside her head, and the side of her lip twitches. It’s the first glimpse of a smile that appears in her lips in two days, and it’s because of Maggie, it’s because of the girl who doesn’t see her as a potential lover. _That’s how Maggie’s like_ , – she could’ve answered Kara’s question properly now – _she can put a smile on my face even though everything hurts._

It doesn’t matter what happened, she still likes Maggie this much.

As soon as Maggie hears Alex’s voice, her head whips around in search of the owner. If it weren’t for what happened that night, she’d say Maggie was even eager to hear her voice. Perhaps she was. She’s her friend after all. Alex looks away quickly.

Alex tries not to look over there, but it’s hard concentrating on anything the guy in front of her says. This is negligent, she tries to remind herself. This is her work and she should be paying all the attention in the world. In the end, she just nodded and gave general opinions that could possibly match to whatever the man said. He nods and she kneels in front of the dead body.

She wants to throw up.

It wasn’t because of aversion to the dead body before her, (she’d seen a lot worse), but something inside her made her feel a little bit dizzy. Her hand traveled to her knee and she squeezed it.

“Alex,” a familiar voice echoes next to her. It’s peaceful and soft and something else Alex cannot put her hand on.

Alex. She didn’t say _Danvers_ that night either. _Alex_. It’s intimate; it’s familiar, and comforting.

There’s a knot in her stomach.

She squeezes her eyes and gathers the last bits of strength she has, then she stands up. “Hey.” Her smile is fake, but it’s the best she has.

“Hey,” Maggie answers back. Her smile is there along with the stupid parenthesis single dimple, but Alex can tell it isn’t the same. It pains her to notice the difference in Maggie’s smile. “How are y…” Maggie stops. “I tried to call you,” she starts again. She’s fidgeting nervously as if she’s waiting for something from Alex. “I was worried about you. I am worried about you.”

“I didn’t- My phone died.”

Really? For two days? Your phone died for two days, Alex? She curses herself internally.

There were indeed four missed calls from Maggie plus the voice mail she didn’t have the guts to listen. It had been two days. Maggie knows she’s clearly lying.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay,” the brunette’s bites her lip and her voice is full of sincerity and genuine concern. And, if Maggie’s skin was a little bit lighter Alex would be able to see scarlet cheeks.

Silence, and then Maggie starts again. “Look, I don’t know if you-“

Alex feels dizzy again. The sun is blinding and she already knows everything Maggie has to say. _I don’t want our friendship to get weird; I’m still your friend; I’m here for you_. She’d be nice and it would make it even more painfully understanding. She wouldn’t go through all of this again.

“It’s okay,” she interrupts Maggie. “I was the reckless one,” she forces a chuckle and Maggie frowns. “Look, I didn’t mean to do that the other night,” Alex starts, and after that, it’s like the lies were just floating like waterfall out of her mouth. “I guess I got lost in the process of this new discovery, and since you’re the only who is, you know, like me… I guess I just misjudged and mixed everything. I’m sorry, Maggie. The last bomb wasn’t meant to drop on you and I regretted it the second I did it.”

The last words are like a bomb. Alex wished it literally exploded her into pieces.

Maggie looks somewhat hurt.

“You did?” Maggie asks, but it’s almost rhetorical because she doesn’t give Alex the time to answer. “It’s okay,” she forcedly smiles again. “And you don’t have to apologize.”

Alex’s stomach growls. There’s a punch that blocks all of her vitals from working. There’s an uncomfortable silence. Maggie’s the first to break it. She’s always good on making the uncomfortable seem so bearable.

“I still owe you those drinks. So how about tonight at-“

“I can’t,” Alex cuts Maggie again and bites her lip. “I- I got a date,” she smiles.

Her stomach pinches.

This last one wasn’t a total lie. She and Kara had indeed planed on going out tonight and meeting new people. Kara said she had _a friend_. She told Kara she wasn’t ready and they had a whole conversation about this again, so Alex just gave in in the end.

“Oh,” Maggie seems surprised, but her ability with façades is way better than Alex’s so it just vanishes from her face in a second. “Well… Have fun then,” she smiles; her lips barely arch though. It’s more like she’s fighting a smile than trying to put it there.

“I-I’ll call you when I’m free,” Alex manages to say.

“Okay,” Maggie says. “I have to go. But it was good seeing you’re alright,” her head tilts.

Alex was far from alright.

Maggie’s dimples and head tilts are Alex’s kryptonite. She feels dizzy and she has to fight the tears that are bubbling inside her.

Alex nods.

“I’ll see you around, Danvers.”

_Danvers._

Maggie turns around even before Alex can make a correlation to the day they met and those were the words Maggie said to her.

Alex turns around, too.

There are secret tears rolling down both their cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, it's literally 5am where i am and i'm exhausted and fucked up in the head. sorry for any mistake.

Maggie looks up from the table she’s sat at the pinball bar she and Alex never got the chance to come together. She looks out the window and for a moment she thinks she sees Alex, but the girl just turns away and walks hurriedly. Maggie sighs and looks down at the glass of wine sitting in front of her with a sinking feeling inside of her because it’s not the first time it happens.

Maggie’s been frequenting all the places they used to frequent. Same time, too. Her heart jumps to her throat and stomach kicks whenever she sees a girl with short hair and leather jacket, but when Maggie gets close enough she can notice the girl is not tall enough, her hair doesn’t turn almost red against the sunlight and their faces… Gosh, their faces could never compare.

It’s been a week. An entire week since she last spoke to Alex Danvers. She’s starting to believe that this is how it is going to be from now on.

Usually, Maggie would just spend three days not hanging around the bar, drinking whatever she has back at her apartment and then she’d suck the pain and go back to basics. But lately, whenever her phone rings she’s expecting Alex’s name to flash on the device. She goes out more expecting to see Alex walking down a street or sitting at a park. She’s barely drinking, and when she does, it’s wine. (She hates wine. But wine reminds her of Alex. Alex was always thriving for wine.) Perhaps wine can bring Alex’s taste back to her mouth. She can’t even remember what Alex’s lips taste like anymore.

Now she wishes she had deepened that kiss. That she had delved, melted, and dived into those lips as if she knew it was the only and last time she’d touch them.

The thing is she’s just sneaking around and praying she’ll bump into Alex accidently-on-purpose, but she has no idea what she’d do if this actually happened. She knows exactly where Alex works and how to get there, but she doesn’t want to do it. Deep down she feels like the further she drifts apart from Alex the closer Alex will get to happiness.

It’s not just that, though. Maggie would be more willing to go find Alex and tell everything she has to tell her, but every time she thinks about it, Alex’s words from the last time they saw each other just jumps into her and she can’t bring herself to do it.

I didn’t mean to do that the other night and I regretted it the second I did it were the two lines she had as company through the course of this week.

Alex regretted their kiss.

Worse, Alex regretted kissing Maggie.

Alex had a date that day, which is a plus to leave Maggie with two feet behind.

If she could make everything different, she would. She would start by saying she felt feelings for Alex the moment she saw her face at that crime scene. She’d say she felt like shit because she was still dating and she felt like she was betraying someone, even mentally. She’d go on with all of the times she’s wanted to just grab Alex by her waist and kiss the hell out of her, but she wasn’t sure if Alex would let her or how she’d respond to that. She’d tell her she thinks Alex was the bravest person for kissing her that day at the bar because if it were for Maggie they would never do that- because she’s a coward, because she doesn’t know how to handle things. How to handle people. These things just don’t come easy for her.

She stares at the glass of wine sitting in front of her for a moment and her heart aches when she thinks of how much she’d rather be staring at Alex. Then she downs it with one gulp and think _screw this_! 

* * *

  
Alex sits at the park across a pinball bar she asked Maggie to go the day after Maggie broke up with her girlfriend. The day Maggie thought Alex was trying to set them both up. The day something inside Alex broke free.

It has been one week since she’s last heard her voice, since she looked right into Maggie’s piercing eyes, made her smile with a stupid joke. But she’s seen Maggie. Almost every day, for a week, she sees Maggie. Alex knows she’s been walking around the places they used to go and the ones they never got the chance to. Alex knows because she does that too, but different from Maggie, she keeps a fair distance.

She’s not spying on Maggie, this is different. She just… She can’t just cut Maggie out of her life like that. She looks fine on the outside but truth is she feels miserable on the outside. So, the few moments she feels at peace is when she looks across a street and sees Maggie playing pinball, or drinking wine at a table by herself. (Maggie hates wine, so this part is quiet intriguing for her.)

But seeing her face from a(n) (un)fair distance is like having a droplet of water when you’re thirsty in the middle of a desert – it’s just better than nothing. She misses Maggie and Maggie is not just face and body a hundred feet away from Alex. Maggie is dimples smiling back at you and head tilts. Maggie is small shots of strong drinks, – not glasses of wine. Maggie is being bad at pool and countless hours of small talk. Maggie is flirting all the time, non-stop, no matter what.

She looks down at her phone and sees Maggie’s voice mail is still there, still untouched, still unheard. She’s tempted to press that button and her finger brushes past it but not quite touches it. She wants to hear what Maggie said, but she’s also so afraid. Afraid that after she hears it she’ll have no choice but move on. Afraid that when she finishes hearing it she’ll lose the last actual thing she keeps from Maggie besides memories.

Alex can feel her thumb turning slightly cold and the wind blows her hair in front of her face. When she looks up, Maggie is staring straight to her from across the street. Her heart leaps into her chest, she has to fight butterflies suddenly at war inside her stomach. Quickly, she turns her face in the direction the wind is blowing and shoves her hands inside the pockets of her coat, then starts to walk away.

* * *

  
She’s going to find Alex. She’s going to find Alex and hold onto whatever chances she still thinks she has. She’ll just tell her everything and she’ll pray it’s enough. Tell her how wrong she was that day at the bar and how bad she wants to fix that mistake. She’ll be brave like Alex that day at the bar. Perhaps she can’t say everything but she hopes she can at least get Alex to understand why it is so hard for her to do those things.

She doesn’t have the time to think further into it, though, because before she grabs her coat, her phone is ringing and she’s leaving the pinball bar in a hurry. There’s an emergency call from the NCPD station. Apparently there’s an attack just a few blocks from where she is.

“Agent Sawyer, wait for back up,” the man on her phone gives the orders while Maggie is already half-way at the place. It’s just a couple of guys with alien weapon technology and she thinks she can handle them, but it’s too risky. Instead, once she has that street mapped in her head she quickly starts to think of strategies and waits behind a car for back up to arrive.

* * *

  
Every step feels like Alex is battling her own legs, as if they are two people themselves and have their own way of thinking and she’s dragging them to the opposite direction they want to go. She wants to go back to the pinball bar and tackle Maggie into a long overdue hug. She wants to feel her warmth and see her smile closely again.

* * *

  
People are running, screaming past her when she sees one of the guys takes a child in his arms and starts to hold her as a hostage. They’re laughing, but the kid is desperately screaming and crying. Her mother is also desperate across the street and that’s when Maggie decides there’s no time to wait for back up. 

* * *

  
Walking usually keeps Alex from having a panic attack, but if anything it’s making her nervous right now. She reaches for her phone and her thumb grazes above Maggie’s voice mail.

She debates on pressing it for a moment. Then she decides she should press it.

She should hear her voice and this should be it. Whatever Maggie says there should be final and should decide everything from now on.

She inhales the pure air that’s floating around the park and takes a moment before she lets it out.

* * *

  
She’s sneaky and she could tackle both of them if everything went just right. It’s a shot in the dark but she doesn’t have time calculate how bad it could get if it went wrong.

* * *

  
Then, just when she’s about to press the button, there’s an incoming call. It’s Kara. She can’t help but let out a breath of relief somehow, and doesn’t think twice before accepting the call instead of continuing doing what she was doing. She thinks it’s a signal.

“Kara, are you okay?” she asks as soon as she picks up.

There’s a pause on the other end of the line and Alex knows something’s wrong. “It’s Maggie,” Kara says.

Her stomach drops and everything that Kara says next sounds like she’s setting Alex’s skin on fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is no commotion when she gets to the nursery room. There’s nobody already there to support Maggie through whatever when she wakes up, or crying because of the state she’s in. Everyone is going on about their own things as if the earth hasn’t just started to rotate in the opposite direction, as if the sun hadn’t just stopped shinning right in the middle of the day.

Alex feels like there’s a weight pressing against her chest.

Instead, there’s a doctor waiting for Alex. She tries to explain how bad Maggie’s situation is and what are the risks she’s going through right now, – she’s at the surgery room. She was bad injured in the head and was hit by a total of three bullets, one in the right leg, another one on her left arm and another on her shoulder. The rest are broken ribs and internal bleedings.

Alex wants to throw up.

She’s not crying. She can’t cry. She’s angry. She’s very, very angry. Angry at the men who did that, angry at NCPD for not sending back up fast enough, angry at the D.E.O for not being there doing their own job, angry at herself for not being there, angry at Supergirl for not saving her, but most of all, angry at Maggie.

Stupid, stupid Maggie! She had to go on her own! She had to try to play the hero. Damn you, Maggie!

Alex has to fight the urge to punch something before she leaves the nursery room. She has to fight the urge to scream at the top of her lungs. She has to hold herself from going to the end of the world just to grab the universe by the throat and punch it to death.

Then, she walks calmly to the only place she can let go of all of her frustrations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
When Kara finds her, she’s at the kryptonite emitters. Alex’s face and body are covered in sweat but she won’t stop hitting a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. There’s blood in some places of the object and it causes Kara to flinch thinking about the state Alex’s fists might be by now.

Maggie’s not punching to train. She’s centered and with every punch Kara knows she’s hurting herself more than she’s trying to practice her moves.

“Alex?!” Kara tries to call her attention, but even though she knows Alex can hear her she doesn’t stop.

“Alex!” Kara tries again, louder this time, but still no answer.

She knows what Alex is doing, so she starts to deal with it in the best way she can.

She walks up there and pushes Alex, causing her sister to stumble back and finally look at her. Alex’s jaw clenches just before she walks straight up to Kara and throws a punch, but Kara is faster and ducks her head to the side. Alex misses it.

“Talk to me,” her sister says as Alex walks up to her, angrier, and throws another punch.

Kara holds her fist and pushes Alex back again. Even though Alex can’t use her powers here, she’s fighting better than Alex, which is improbable so Kara knows instantly she’s not fighting. She doesn’t want to fight.

That only makes Alex angrier. “You should’ve been there!” Alex shouts venomously.

Kara frowns. “Supergirl should’ve saved her! Supergirl should’ve been there!” She shouts at the top of her lungs and walks up to Kara again with a series of kicks and punches, but mistakes every single one of them.

Kara knows she doesn’t mean it. “It’s okay, Alex. I understand you’re frustrated!” Kara shouts as she keeps avoiding swiftly from getting hit by Alex.

“You’re useless! You should’ve saved her!” Alex practically cries out.

“I’m here, we’ll go through this together!” Kara shouts.

Alex’s movements’ starts to get weaker, she starts to apply less strength but still doesn’t cease.

“You’re not alone.” It’s the final thing Kara says before Maggie stumbles into her arms and she has to balance herself from almost taking both of them to the floor.

“I should’ve been there.” Alex clings to Kara’s shirt as they both kneel down slowly on the ground with all of Alex’s weight. “I should’ve saved here! I should have saved her!” She cries out, her sobs are heartbreaking. Kara has to hold her own tears back.

“You can’t save everybody, baby.”

“But I should. It’s all my fault, this is all my fault. She’s going to die and it’s my entire fault.”

Kara holds her sister tighter and shakes her head.

“Don’t say that,” Kara rubs Alex’s back. “It’s not your fault, and she’s not going to die.”

“W-why is the world being so c-cruel to us, Kara?” Alex asks, shaking into her sister’s arms. “Why can’t we just be happy like everybody else?”

Alex’s body feels tired and she can barely breathe, but she keeps going. She keeps crying as if her life depends on it, as if Maggie’s life depends on it. She doesn’t understand why this was all happening and if Maggie dies…

“Shh,” her sister strokes Alex’s hair protectively. “It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be alright…”

They stay there for a moment. Kara doesn’t loosen the embrace. Alex’s chest goes up and down on a steady pace.

“Kara?” Alex whispers, almost as if she’s afraid of saying what she has to say out loud and Kara hums in response.

“I don’t want to live in a world where there’s no Maggie.”

Kara doesn’t hold her tears back this time. She just kisses the top of Alex’s hair and wishes her sister doesn’t have to live in a world without Maggie.

* * *

  
After the third day at the hospital, Alex wakes up to a pair of dark orbs watching her intently. Maggie’s turned on her right side on the bed watching Alex as if she was the most important painting at the museum. Alex takes a moment before she realizes she’s not dreaming.

“Mags?” she asks and wipes at her eyes.

She’s not dreaming.

“Hey, sleepy head,” she answers, and smiles. There’s a lazy smile on Maggie’s lips and Alex is not sure if she wants to cry in relief or scream at Maggie.

“I’ll call a nurse,” Alex tries to act calmly instead but Maggie shakes her head.

“She’s already come by. You were sleeping.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence between them after that. They just stay there as if analyzing what’s right to say next. It’s very quiet for moment before Alex is just sobbing quietly.

“Alex-“

“No. Maggie.” Alex’s voice breaks and Maggie flinches. “Don’t you dare Alex me!” Alex shakes her head. “I thought you were- I thought you would- I thought I was going to lose you. I thought I would never see you again!”

Maggie frowns. “Alex, I’m sorry.”

“No, Maggie! You’re not sorry, you were stupid! Stupid, Maggie! You could’ve died!”

“I couldn’t let that kid- I-,” Maggie looks helpless from her spot and flinches when she tries to put too much effort in her voice. Alex almost moves to help but the girl laying on the bed just sighs quietly. “This is not what we were supposed to be talking about,” Maggie shakes her head mildly.

Alex scoffs. “Then what should we be talking about? How you were a hero?”

“No, Alex! About how I like you, how I missed you!”

Alex’s heart kicks inside her ribs but her anger gets the best of her this time. She can’t even concentrate on what Maggie just said properly. She’s hoped and waited so long for this moment, these words and now that it’s happening she doesn’t feel like this isn’t supposed to be like this.

“And you had to wait to die to realize that!” Alex says with a nod. Maggie frowns. “You can’t like me if you’re dead, Maggie.”

Their eyes meet half-way and for a moment Maggie seems confused. Then she shakes her head with a scoff that makes her flinch again. “You still haven’t heard that voice message I left you, have you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Alex walks up to a bedside table next to the chair she’s slept the last three days and grabs the book she’s been reading while she was waiting for Maggie to wake up.

Maggie opens her mouth to say something else, but Alex is already half-way out the door.

* * *

  
Maggie never thought someone would care if she died, if she disappeared. People are just temporary for her, and temporary people never care if you get bad. Actually, that’s usually when they tend to disappear. But Alex stayed there. Kara told her Alex didn’t leave her side for one single moment and it pains her physically to think about it. To think that someone would do that for her, to think someone would ever worship her, the way Alex does, when she doesn’t feel worthy of any it.

She tried to call Alex several times but it would always go to her voice mail, and now Maggie knows she doesn’t listen to her voice mails. Sometimes Kara would pick it up and come up with a stupid excuse to why Alex couldn’t speak to her at the time.

She’s become closer to Alex’s friends in the last few days, too, because they’re the ones taking shifts on taking care of her (even though she insisted her mother could do that). They insisted on it vehemently and if Alex hadn’t left so angry from the nursery room that day, she’d think that they were just obeying to her orders.

She straightens herself on the sofa and tries to find a good channel to watch. She wishes she could just to back to work and drown herself on work to avoid thinking about any of this.

Staying home is boring and not having Winn, James, Kara or Hank around is boring. She’s almost already used to their presence, they’re almost like real friends now, and they’re good company. Sometimes Maggie catches herself thinking about how grateful she is that Alex has them around all the time.

Maggie’s almost diving into a nap on her sofa when she hears a soft knock on her door. As a natural reflex, she reaches for the gun behind one of the cushions.

“Come in,” she shouts.

She’s expecting one of the four people who are now always around, but it’s none of them who comes it. Her hand on the gun relaxes, but suddenly there’s a lump on her throat that makes it hard to swallow.

“Hey,” it’s the first thing Alex says to her in what feels like centuries.

“Hey,” Maggie squeezes out but it almost doesn’t even come out, so she cleans her throat and tries again. “Hey.”

“I-,” Alex starts and fidgets with her hands nervously, “None of the four could make it, so I… I thought I could-.” Alex is a mess of nerves, it’s almost funny to watch, but Maggie just nods.

“It’s okay,” she says. She knows Alex is here just to change some of her bandages and make sure other things are alright, but she can’t help herself from feeling hopeful. At least it’s good to know Alex can still talk to her directly. And that she still looks as stunning as ever.

When Alex approaches her with a small box Maggie feels like her heart is about to burst, and when Alex touches her skin to change the first bandages she can barely concentrate on how they still hurt. Alex knows the whole procedure as if she’s done it her whole life and her hands are soft and it’s so different from the touch of the other four. It’s skillfully, way different from Winn, who is actually the one saying ‘ouch’ during the whole process. Maggie has to remind herself how to even breathe normally.

“Does it hurt?” Alex asks quietly pointing to a particular ugly bruise.

Maggie studies Alex’s facial expression for a minute searching for any sign of dullness, seeking for any sign that Alex is just trying to fill the silence with something that isn’t uncomfortableness. It doesn’t feel like she’s trying to avoid the white elephant in the room, or just fill the silence. Her voice is genuine and soft and worried.

“Not much. It’s getting better now,” Maggie answers just as quietly.

There’s only one bandage left for Alex to change and it’s the one on Maggie’s rib. This one was always a particular complicated one. Alex looks as if she’s waiting for Maggie to lift her shirt up until Maggie just smiles and tilts her head.

“I- You have to do that,” Maggie says, and Alex lifts her look to Maggie. “It hurts when I do it,” Maggie gesticulates mildly in the direction of her rib and Alex lets out a small ‘oh’, and nods. 

Alex’s hands travel carefully to the hem of Maggie’s shirt and she starts to ride it up with extra care. Maggie can’t control the chills it sends down her whole body as she tries her best not to stiffen or make any weird flinch. Maggie also has to suppress the thoughts going on in her head. She shouldn’t be thinking about it right now, but Jesus Christ, Alex’s hands are like silk and she’s barely touching her.

“Maggie…” she hears Alex’s voice calling her and opens her eyes. She can’t even remember when she closed them. 

“Mm?” she hums and Alex’s dark orbs are so close…

“Does that hurt?” her hands brush softly on the skin fairly distant from her bruise.

Maggie smiles, “It tickles.”

“Just tell me whenever it hurts too much, okay?” Alex says and Maggie nods, then bites on her lower lip. Alex’s perfume is basically invading her comfort zone and it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. 

It’s quiet for a moment and Maggie has to hold herself from melting into Alex’s touch. It doesn’t hurt like when the others do it, or maybe the way her heart is racing and the way her blood is rushing beneath her skin are blocking the pain. Or maybe it’s just the careful way Alex is doing everything with her soft fingertips brushing ever so gently…

“Did you mean it?” Alex breaks the silence again pulling Maggie out of her train of thoughts.

“What?”

“What you said… on your voice mail. Did you mean it?” 

Maggie lets out a small sigh and shakes her head. How could Alex still even have any doubt? And, oh God, she finally listened to it. Her stomach drops.

“Every single word,” she reassures the girl beside her.

Alex lets out a sigh. “Because… Because I like you, Maggie,” she stops what she’s doing and stares at Maggie right into her eyes. “And I can’t- I can’t lose you.” Her lips tremble and her eyes are tearful.

“You won’t,” Maggie has to hold her own tears back. “I was stupid, Alex, and I didn’t- I didn’t think for one second what could’ve happened, but not because it’s hard to think in those moments but because I never thought that…” there are people who actually cares about me and that if anything happened would actually make a difference in anyone’s life, Maggie completes herself inside her head but can’t manage to say it out loud.

“I would,” Alex nods and looks away at the bruise on Maggie’s rib. “I would’ve missed you like hell, so don’t you ever, ever think about doing something stupid like that again.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Maggie opens a huge white smile and can’t help the tear that travels down her cheek.

Alex leans in and wipes it with the same soft brush she took care of Maggie’s wounds, but her she lingers on for a moment. Maggie’s heart kicks against her bruised rib but it doesn’t quiet hurt, it’s just… soft, and warm and so long overdue when Alex finally close the gap between their lips. Alex’s hand keeps caressing her cheek as she tries to savor as much as she can from Maggie’s taste. This one is even better than their first kiss and Maggie can’t help but think about how she wants to keep doing this for the rest of her life. She can’t keep herself from comparing this to the other girls she’s kissed her whole life and how they never felt so right as it does in this moment with Alex. All Maggie can do is melt and breathe in the nauseating sensation, the burning feeling it sends down her spine and settles on every pulsing point of her body. 

The only thing that makes them break the kiss is Winn’s voice.

“Oh my god,” the boy is standing by Maggie’s door, Kara right beside him.

Maggie feels her cheeks getting warm and Alex hides her face on the crook of her neck and giggles. It tickles but it’s good so she doesn’t move and just tries not to blush to death.

“We can come back later,” Kara says and they disappear again before the two embarrassed girls can say a word. They can still hear Winn freaking out outside Maggie’s door for a few moments, though.

Maggie has to stop herself from laughing because it also pains to laugh, but she almost can’t help herself. She wishes she could save this moment inside a box and revive it when she’s healed so she can enjoy it even better. They laugh until it’s quiet again and they’re just giggling quietly.

“If Winn and Kara were coming, then you were just making an excuse to come see me?” Maggie asks with a playful smirk after a moment and she can feel the girl by her side turning red.

“I couldn’t spend another day just hearing from you,” Alex whispers as an answer and Maggie nods.

“You never got to say what you wanted.” Alex murmurs, and she still hasn’t lifted her head from Maggie’s shoulder. 

“When?” Maggie frowns.

“On your voice message,” Alex explains. “You never finished saying what you wanted.” Then Alex lifts her head, but shifts closer when she feels Maggie complaining silently.

Maggie takes a brief sigh before taking Alex’s hand and brushing her thumb on the back of it softly. “You,” she smiles down and then lifts her look to look at Alex’s pupils almost mixing with the darkness of her eyes. “I want you,” Maggie says with conviction.

Alex bites her bottom lip and nods and Maggie has to thank the universe Alex is close enough for her to close the gap this time and surprise Alex with a sealing kiss. 

All Maggie can think about is how she loves this moment right here and right now, and how she really wants all the other moments to be with Alex. And how Alex’s soft lips touch hers like she has the exact same thing going on in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it and it would make me crazy happy to know what you think. thanks for reading!
> 
> it was so funny watching 2x08 because i had written the part of Maggie's accident after 2x07 and then that happened. my reaction to Alex was similar to the one that happened on 2x08 so i decided to change a lil bit and make it more angst, hope you liked it. actually i had to delete and change so many things from this chap so it would look less heavy... also, sorry for the BUNCH of angst and so little fluff, i just love doing that and i ended up cutting a lot of fluff off when i noticed there was only angst... sorry for that too.
> 
> i'm receiving pompts on my tumblr because i intend to write a lot of sanvers on the little break they'll have. so if you want me to write something in particular hmu at: binocularz.tumblr.com
> 
> peace out!

**Author's Note:**

> find me: binocularz.tumblr.com


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